Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Look what we're cloning

It would appear that bio-engineering is flourishing at the University because, I swear, the new regime of IT management all look exactly the same and they all look like this*. But not as intelligent.

Personally I think this is a gross misuse of research funding. Just how many fat, baldy, knuckle-dragging, bully-boy thickos do we need to create?

If we need to clone managers wouldn't it be better to clone more Dollies?

What a noble beast!

Even just one Dolly would be smarter and more talented than the Stepford-Rugby-Team we've got here. And Dolly would know how to get things done without sacking her workforce, or even needing to resort to bullying.

* Except the Director who, we already know from an earlier post, looks like Blakey.

Friday, 26 March 2010

Blakey's Blood Bath

It hasn't been a great week at the House of Fun. The new leaders are even more shit than the old leaders, the knives are out and our friends are losing their jobs. Again.

Chop chop chop. Hack hack hack. Do these bastards know what they're doing?
Like hell they do.

I am disgusted.

Friday, 19 March 2010

Dog on a Blog

Not a post about work today; it's quiet, nothing's happening, and there's no one here except me and the Sea Monkeys (and they're not up to much). So instead:

This is my entry for the 2010 Postcards Exhibition at the Linden Gallery in St Kilda. If you'd like to see the exhibition it's on until 27th March. Be warned though, that's the St Kilda in Australia, not the one in the Outer Hebrides - if you go there by mistake you'll have a long journey, which will be scenically delightful but won't involve a lot of art.

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Spring = Resurrection

The sun is shining, daffodils are beginning to hatch, birds are singing.

Most amazing of all: our Sea Monkeys have returned from the dead!

Having flourished throughout last summer, our Sea Monkey population began to decline in the autumn until only one big bloated Monkey was left - swimming slowly around and around on his own. And then one day even Adrian had disappeared.

Luckily we are a slatternly lot in this office, so no-one bothered emptying the water or chucking the tank away. We just shoved it in a corner and forgot about it. Throughout the winter the water slowly evaporated until all there was left was a centimetre or so of manky scum. And lo and behold! that manky scum is now home to a whole new generation of Sea Monkeys. There is hope for all of us...

This is what a Sea Monkey looks like:

Not this:

Heaven knows what they are - but apparently they were marketed as Sea Monkeys at one time.

This is certainly not a Sea Monkey:

That's me! he he he.

A Short History of Sea Monkeys

Sea Monkeys (the real ones, not those weirdy plastic people) were originally marketed in 1957 by Harold von Braunhut, although the name "Sea-Monkeys" wasn't adopted until 1962. Braunhut is also the inventor of X-Ray glasses.
(I learnt that on Wikipedia.)

In real life their name is Artemia salina x nyos

Some people love their Sea Monkeys so much they compose poems to them. Here are a selection, lifted unashamedly from Sea Monkey Worship.

Sea monkeys swirl
round and round
in my blender tornado of doom
(Dan Bogus)

my mutant monkey
sadly, you are all that's left
too bad you scare me

and rather tragically:

This I promise you
No more aquarium bongs
Oh, my poor Sea Monkey
(W.A. Leyva)

Oh dear.

Friday, 12 March 2010

Guess Who?

Librarian by day, aging-pop-legend-lookalikey by night. Can you guess which one of our colleagues this is?

Post your answers below, but be quick, boys and girls, there just might be a small prize for the first correct answer.

While you're puzzling over the question you might enjoy some music. Here for your enjoyment is a recently discovered, presumed lost album track from the above colleague that you may not have heard before.

Turn on your speakers and click the link.

PS. I also possess a photo of the same colleague taken back when he was going through his Lady Boy phase - but it would be extremely mean of me to publish it here. I bet you're intrigued now!

Thursday, 4 March 2010

World Book Day

Yay! A day to celebrate all things bookish.

Actually I think this is aimed more at children than surly middle-aged librarians, so here is one of my all-time favourite children's books.

The Stinky Cheese Man by Jon Scieszka.

On World Book Day you are meant to come to school (or work, presumably) dressed as your favourite literary character. In case you are wondering, I'm not sitting here dressed as Stinky Cheese Man.

Err, I really hope I'm not. But anyway, it's a ripping yarn and you learn stufff like this:

I think there's a message there for all of us.

Currently I am reading Mirrors by Eduardo Galeano.

As the title suggests, it is a history of nearly everyone and everything, and it's written in handy bite-sized chunks so you can read it on the tram without being distracted completely by other people's phone conversations. It's a cracking read and, again, one where you learn stuff. Like Hitler's troops were dressed by Hugo Boss, and Fanta was invented for Nazi Germany because they were having trouble getting Coca Cola into the country.

I've always known that Fanta is a reprehensible beverage.

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Some things don't happen every day ...

NASA scientists believe the earthquake in Chile on 27th February was so strong it shifted the Earth's axis and shortened the day by 1.26 microseconds. Bloody hell!!! Did any of you notice that happen?! No, I didn't either.

Here's a picture of the Earth. Wobble your head from side to side and see if you can visualise how it might have looked.

Nah, it's not really working for me either.

More about the wobbly world here.

Having lived in Chile for awhile (in a former life) I keep wondering how things are there. Isla Negra - Pablo Neruda's house - does anyone know if it's okay? Lovely Valparaiso - it had to be vulnerable?

Good news from Easter Island though. No damage done, the Moais are still standing - well the ones that were standing anyway. Not the ones that fell over centuries ago, they haven't come back to life (unlike Mr Shaffy).

I have a soft spot for Easter Island - I had an impromptu holiday there once when the plane I was travelling on blew up.

I'm not good with public transport. Fifteen years later I got run over by a bus.

I told you some things don't happen every day!